Becoming a Friend of Time: Disability, Timefullness, and Gentle Discipleship.

By Sara Webb- Western Great Lakes Regional Coordinator

This fall I have participated in a book club at Calvin College. Together we read and discussed the book Becoming Friends of Time: Disability, Timefullness, and Gentle Discipleship by John Swinton. Before this I had never thought so intentionally about time. After a morning of getting my middle school aged child off to school, I realized I may have a very unhealthy relationship with time. Here is how my morning sounded:

“It is time to get up, please don’t be late.”   “Does it really take you that long to get dressed?”   “What are you doing in there?”   “I wish you would have thought about this last night, we just don’t have time to do this in the morning.”   “Is what you are doing right now a good use of your time?”   “How long does it take you to eat? It is almost time to leave.”

In the short time with my child that morning, almost everything I said had to do with time. Time is such a driving factor in my life. It is how I plan my day, plan my pace of work, it tells me when I show up and how long I stay. Time is part of a mental check list I use to determine how well I feel I use my day. As I reflect on this book and that morning, I realize time has become an ugly idol in my life. Productivity and time use have become the driving force, or the shaming force, in my life. Our culture is fast paced, and often we use a value system based on what one can offer and how quickly something can be produced.

Our system of time is not kind to our friends with diverse abilities. Due to our society’s relationship with time, our friends are often seen as burdens or are excluded from everyday life. Our friends are measured by the ‘normal’ scale.  Swinton defines this as, “to be normal is to have the ability to participate in the movement of one’s own personal history, to progress toward one’s own goals, and to achieve both individual goals and those that are expected of a person by society. Not to achieve such milestones is to be abnormal…..to become not only handicapped but ultimately a lesser human being: a burden”.  

We have seen this played out in the headlines in Iceland boasting of almost eliminating children born with Down Syndrome. They have eliminated what they have seen as a burden to their society.  Time has set the standard for desired productivity and value.   

What if our friends with diverse abilities are living at the pace that was intended for all of us? Swinton states that God is a “three mile per hour God”. He says, “three miles per hour is the speed of love. When we (whether by choice or circumstance or necessity) slow down and walk with Jesus in God’s meaning-filled simultaneous time, we find ourselves noticing new aspects of the world and acting differently in response. Slowing down and paying attention to God’s time moves us towards the possibility of gentleness. Jesus is restful, slow, timefull”.  

The concept of a slow-moving God makes me ask myself, if I am living life at 6 miles per hour, am I following God? Maybe this concept of a slow-moving God answers the question of why I experience so much peace and love when I am fully present with my Capernaum friends. Maybe living at a 3 mile per hour pace is why my friends have such deep and sure faith – they are moving at the same pace God is moving. I have so much to learn about life and God from my friends with diverse abilities.   

After reading Becoming a Friend of Time, I desire to change my relationship with time. I am asking more questions as I try to see time through the lens of my friends with diverse abilities. Having a better relationship with time will make me a better mom, a better friend and better at ministering to and with my friends.