Receiving Love

My name is Avery and I am a junior in high school. I first started attending Capernaum as a buddy just at the start of this year. When I first started attending, the motivation was definitely because I wanted to be able to love my friends with disabilities. However, while I have been trying to be Jesus to them through serving, they have ended up being Jesus to me.

I’m going to be honest, when I first began writing and thinking through what I wanted to share, I was completely stumped. It had been a while since I had really put myself in a place of stillness and quietness, and lately I’d had a ton weighing on my mind, so on my drive to school yesterday morning I turned my music off for once and just drove in silence. It was in this silence that I realized something for the very first time: I have not been able to truly love my peers like I am called to because I have not allowed myself to receive that same type of love from anyone else. What I mean is: in order to be able to fully pour out the kind of love that Jesus gave, I HAVE to be able to receive it first. I have to be able to receive love from Jesus himself, and also from my peers and people I come in contact with everyday.

The reason that I share this with you is because that moment led into another realization: throughout this entire year that has been what my Capernaum friends have been teaching me. Without me even noticing, they have slowly but surely been teaching me how to receive love. They have modeled this for me in the way they receive and show love themselves. I want to give you a few examples:

For starters I want to tell you about my friend Peach. Peach and I first met at my 3rd or fourth club when she asked me to sit down by her at dinner. Since I was still kinda new to the whole thing and hadn’t gotten to know a ton of people yet, I was glad to meet a new friend. That whole dinner she talked and talked, and it was awesome. She told me all about her life. Ever since then, every time I step into that room on Monday nights, she makes me feel like the most wanted person in the room. She always makes sure there’s a spot by her for me at the table, holds my hand during worship, and ALWAYS makes sure I have a front row seat to all of her performances with Maroon 5 and One Direction.

The next person that has modeled love for me is Emily. Emily is incredible. We don’t always end up at the same table for dinner, but we do often enough. Every time that we do, she, just like Peach, will talk my ear off just telling me random little things about her week, or her job, or whatever she feels like talking about. The catch with her though is time after time in the middle of dinner she has stopped and looked at me and just said, “I love you.” Whether I want it or not, Emily and Peach both extend love to me that I don’t even ask for.

Lastly I want to tell you about a moment from my first club ever where I witnessed a really breathtaking moment. We had all gathered up and started singing along with the words on the screen. I remember looking up and seeing Kara at the mic singing her heart out in front of all her peers. I was completely taken aback by this. She was not just singing, she was truly worshipping, and it had been a long time since I had seen such innocent and pure worship. When I watched her, it was like she was not in front of an audience at all. With her eyes closed and her soft voice, it was evident that her singing was not to impress any of the people singing along with her. Above everything, she was pouring back love to her Creator.

Because of the love that my friends have shown to me, and also the example of what truly giving that love back with a pure heart looks like, God has shown me how to be receptive to that kind of love. So that is what being a Capernaum buddy is all about to me - You go in thinking you're gonna be the change, but Jesus has a funny way of turning that around and changing you instead.