Social Support
A guest post by Jeff McNair...
About 10 years ago, I wrote on my weblog about social support. I quoted Cobb (1976) who said that “Social Support is information leading someone to believe
He/she is cared for
He/she is loved
He/she is valued
He/she is esteemed
He/she belongs to a network of communication and mutual obligation.”
I liked that then and I still do. Social support implies evidence. “These are the specific ways that I know that I am being supported by the people around me” followed by a list. For too many people with disabilities, the evidence that I am receiving some form of social support is that I look at Fred, the guy sitting next to me, and recognize that he is being paid to be with me. How do I know I am supported? Fred is here to provide social support to me by the agency who pays him. His salary is evidence of my social support. Sure, we need people who provide various forms of paid support. We in particular need medical, educational or rehabilitation professionals. But recognize that paid support is a particular kind of support.
I enjoy making this point with my students that hopefully I am a good teacher, a professional teacher and even a friendly teacher. But I am not their friend. I say that because as soon as the university where I work stops paying me, I will no longer come to class. I also enjoy meeting with students after the class is done over a cup of coffee and telling them, “I am not paid to be with you right now.” At that moment, we both understand what that means. We have now moved from a paid relationship to a friendship.
So where is social support happening within Capernaum ministries? Are club members with disabilities only supported by leaders, many of whom are folks who are paid to be with them? Or are relationships developing between students with and without disabilities? What is the evidence, what information can be provided that club members with autism are cared for, are loved and valued and esteemed because they belong to a network of mutual obligation where the others in the group are NOT paid to be with them or are not staff?
Can you imagine what your life would be like if the only people in your life were those who had no choice but to be with you (like family members) or were paid to be with you (like club leaders, teachers and so forth)? No wonder those with intellectual disabilities confuse those who are paid to be with them with friends; the leaders themselves can be confused about this.
We need to facilitate as much natural support as possible, from peers, because all people need to be chosen. People are not objects of programs they should be subjects of relationships with people who care.
How long would you attend a church if the only relationships you had were with the staff because no one else would ever choose you for relationship?
Disability Studies Program (entirely online) at California Baptist University. He is also the Director of the Policy Center for the Christian Institute on Disability of the Joni and Friends Organization. In his CID position, he is the editor of the Journal of the Christian Institute on Disability. He is an author and speaker. He and his wife Kathi have been personally involved in ministry to adults with intellectual disabilities at their local churches for 40 years.
He/she is cared for
He/she is loved
He/she is valued
He/she is esteemed
He/she belongs to a network of communication and mutual obligation.”
I liked that then and I still do. Social support implies evidence. “These are the specific ways that I know that I am being supported by the people around me” followed by a list. For too many people with disabilities, the evidence that I am receiving some form of social support is that I look at Fred, the guy sitting next to me, and recognize that he is being paid to be with me. How do I know I am supported? Fred is here to provide social support to me by the agency who pays him. His salary is evidence of my social support. Sure, we need people who provide various forms of paid support. We in particular need medical, educational or rehabilitation professionals. But recognize that paid support is a particular kind of support.
I enjoy making this point with my students that hopefully I am a good teacher, a professional teacher and even a friendly teacher. But I am not their friend. I say that because as soon as the university where I work stops paying me, I will no longer come to class. I also enjoy meeting with students after the class is done over a cup of coffee and telling them, “I am not paid to be with you right now.” At that moment, we both understand what that means. We have now moved from a paid relationship to a friendship.
So where is social support happening within Capernaum ministries? Are club members with disabilities only supported by leaders, many of whom are folks who are paid to be with them? Or are relationships developing between students with and without disabilities? What is the evidence, what information can be provided that club members with autism are cared for, are loved and valued and esteemed because they belong to a network of mutual obligation where the others in the group are NOT paid to be with them or are not staff?
Can you imagine what your life would be like if the only people in your life were those who had no choice but to be with you (like family members) or were paid to be with you (like club leaders, teachers and so forth)? No wonder those with intellectual disabilities confuse those who are paid to be with them with friends; the leaders themselves can be confused about this.
We need to facilitate as much natural support as possible, from peers, because all people need to be chosen. People are not objects of programs they should be subjects of relationships with people who care.
How long would you attend a church if the only relationships you had were with the staff because no one else would ever choose you for relationship?
Jeff McNair, Ph.D. is Professor of Special Education/Severe Disabilities and Director of the
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