It's OK to Sit

A guest post by Emily Brafford...

When I came on Young Life Capernaum staff three years ago, I didn’t really know how to do contact work with our friends. Needless to say, it has been a journey figuring it all out and we have a long way to go. While we have figured out different places to go and things to be involved in to meet new families, you can never forego the high school. In my area, going to the traditional high schools has not been an option. So, I began going to a public, separate school for kids with special needs. I volunteered in a ‘transition classroom’, which had students ages 16-23. This classroom only had 8 students.  Four of those were non-verbal.  I would go to this classroom twice a week. I had been a special education major in college and had experience, but the “I don’t know what I am doing” feeling tends to always be present with our friends because they are each unique and their abilities all look different.   

I would go to the school and I noticed that I would sit with the verbal students. That was where I was more comfortable. I began feeling very convicted. I know that the other students may not be able to say words, but they had their own ways of communication, I just needed to learn them. So, I began asking their teacher if I could help them with their schoolwork. Then I asked her how they communicated with her. She told me that one student could nod “yes” or “no” with his head. Another loved sports and would always smile whenever he could hear about different games. Another student rarely ever communicated but her actions would be telling of what she needed (i.e. when she needed to use the restroom, she would go stand by the door). This particular student, Karen, intrigued me. She rarely even made eye contact, but something drew me to her. I began just sitting next to her during my time there. I would help her with the activities they were doing in class, but a lot of the time I just felt like I was doing it for her. Sometimes, 5 minutes felt like 30. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I would compliment her, everything from her clothes to the way her hair looked. Then I began just talking to her about things I knew she had done with her class that day. I never got responses, but I figured there probably weren’t many people that would just sit and talk with her, so I just kept doing it. Then one day I brought a magazine to her desk and I just flipped through the pages and talked about the things I saw. I learned that she like that because she would start pointing to the pictures. I was never sure that she was tracking anything I was saying, but it was always a sweet time with Karen. Then one day, I wanted to see if I could get her to smile, so I sat right next to her and just started smiling. She looked at me(almost like I was an idiot), and I pointed to my mouth and told her I wanted to see her do I what I was doing. It took several tries over several days, but finally she smiled back!!!! Her smile was brief, but it was one of the sweetest moments I have experienced in my time with this ministry.

That class of students taught me so much. But Karen taught me some lessons I will never forget, that it is ok to just sit with someone. It is ok to not always talk. It is ok to just look at pictures. Its ok that we don’t always get the responses we want. And above all, just because I don’t know what she understands doesn’t mean that she doesn’t deserve a friend and the opportunity to hear about Jesus like my other Capernaum friends. I learned that I can’t put the Holy Spirit in a box. I need to continually work on trusting the Lord’s goodness and that he loves all my Capernaum friends more than I do.  He is at work, I may not get the answers I want, when I want, but he is moving and all I can do is spend time with my friends and trust Him.

Emily has been on YL staff for three years in Charlotte, NC.  She started Capernaum there and is growing the ministry to include more and more kids with disabilities, including those who may be non-verbal!