All Answers Don’t Look The Same (Part 2)

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By Laurel Owens (a continuation of a post from 12/10)

Another challenge in helping our non-verbal or lower functioning friends participate is knowing how to encourage them in club. Often there will be one or two friends in the back of the room who seem impossible to involve in club. And we think “If I can just say the right thing, I’ll convince them” or “If I can get them to the other side of the room and away from the door, then they’ll participate”. Or we think the opposite, “They’ll never participate, so I’ll just let them entertain themselves in the back of the room.”

Laurel and Kyle
Both of those responses aren’t right or wrong.

I’ll use my brother Kyle as an example for this:

Kyle is a pretty giant 21 year old; 250 lbs, 6 feet tall. He also has non-verbal, classical Autism. Most of his speech is just noise or humming, and he is constantly moving, flapping his arms or covering his ears. So if you don’t know Kyle, it can be extremely hard to know how to engage him. He won’t give you much of an answer.

A setting like Capernaum club can be pretty hard for him, unless he has formed a relationship with someone who he really trusts. And this takes years to do!

Our friends will not move from their favorite corner, get up out of the chair, or sit down with the group if they feel like their leader may mislead them. They want to have a trusting relationship with their Young Life leader just like anyone else. But establishing that trusting relationship takes time.

Laurel and Kyle
So as a sister, here’s my advice:

Just sit.

Have the same leader sit beside that student, at a distance that feels safe, for however long it takes. Sit in the corner, hallway, or wherever, and don’t speak unless it’s important. Don’t push them to jump right in. Let them learn that you are 1) consistent, 2) respectful of their boundaries, 3) friendly and 4) available to help.

Slowly but surely, the student may sit closer (or sit down period), may grab your hand when they need help, or make eye contact. That is their way of saying, “I think you might be okay.” As that trust relationship is built, they will be more open to considering your suggestion to participate more, because they know you wouldn’t lead them astray.


And by doing so, you are actively living out the Gospel in their life.

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