From Entitlement to Service

A guest post by Christen Morrow Ara...

From moment of birth and/or diagnosis of a child’s disability, the list of rights and services available to them and their family begins. This list may include physical, occupational, speech, recreational therapies, one-on-one assistants for school, nursing at home or school, durable medical equipment ranging from walkers and wheelchairs to machines that assist with breathing, communication, and personal care. Transportation, free school lunches, after school care and respite hours may be a few more services offered. Having lived overseas in a developing country, these lists and services take on new value and meaning to me. I am in awe and gratitude for a country, state, and even private health insurance that offer many of these services.  I’ve often helped parents advocate for the full range of services and continue to do so… however, a gnawing awareness of something being very, very wrong grows inside of me.

Entitlement. It’s a word that has become familiar in many of my circles as we talk about our culture, our children, ourselves. We live with a sense of entitlement, believing that we “have a right to” or “deserve” something. Its alarming in any area of our lives, culture or communities, but as someone who has been an advocate for services, a service provider, and a friend of many people with disabilities who receive services, I’ve become aware of how entitlement has impacted my friends through the years and systems. I have watched an entire generation grow up under the ADA and the specific education benefits provided under the IDEA Act, and I am greatly concerned that in all of the services and supports provided, we’ve failed our friends in the greatest way… teaching them that they have something to give, to offer, and to service the world with!

Moving my friends with physical or developmental disabilities into acts of service is no small challenge… perhaps their physical disability makes it impossible for them to do anything without help. Perhaps their developmental disability makes it challenging for them to engage or see people’s needs outside of their own… Or, is that an excuse? Have we forgotten that it is in being, not doing that people are served, lives are changed, and many find healing and meaning? Have we forgotten that anyone whose eyes are trained to see a need can be a part of meeting that need; in prayer, in action, in deed, or in words?  

Twice a month I meet for a Bible study with some of my friends who have graduated from Young Life and are adults over the age of 23. We gather, chat, laugh, eat snacks, worship, and the one of the mothers puts together a lesson. This past week, my friend Megan’s mom shared about Jesus and the widow of Nain from Luke 7. Each of us had a small white board and were asked to draw one of the characters from the story we read through. Each of us stood in our place with our picture/character as we re-told the story, and all were a part of it. It came alive. We recognized that Jesus had eyes that saw the pain of this widow who’d just lost a son to death. He had a heart that felt her pain and entered into it with her. He had hands that went to action and restored her son to life.  

The challenge offered to my friends and I was this; are you willing to share with someone who is in pain? Not just share someone’s brownies, but their pain? There were some blank stares and I realized my friends didn’t understand. Yes, there have been moments when I’ve been encouraged by a timely hug, a sweet picture, but for the most part, my friends have been trained to see their own needs and look to where those can be met. My friends have rarely been called to the next level of seeing others’ needs, of serving. These are my friends with disabilities who know Jesus and walk with Him! We spent the next several minutes naming when we’ve seen people hurting, stressed, or having a hard day and talking through how we can respond with eyes that see, hearts that feel and hands that move to action. Most of the needs my friends could see were things like their mom’s stressful days… so they could wash dishes or fold laundry. While these are great solutions and I’m delighted to see them respond, I pushed further. What could you be, not just do?

One friend, Nate, has autism and the nature of his disability causes him to be very self-focused. However, Nate LOVES to post to Facebook and it seemed a teachable moment. Could he respond to people’s posts with a kind word, encouragement, a prayer? Could he offer himself to them? We dialogued about how and what that would look like. Nate said he would think about it. That, to me, is a victory! Moving my friends away from entitlement to seeing others, feeling for others and responding is something that I know will change them, those they touch and the church. Its how God has intended us to live… and because His power is perfected in weakness, there is something especially powerful when they offer themselves with broken bodies or what the world might call broken minds to others as a vessel for healing or hope.  

Friends 4 Life. Helping my friends transition from Young Life, from an experience of faith in Jesus, to the life of the church, the life that we are intended to have in the body is a beautiful challenge and its changing me. I long to see my friends set free from the entitlement that has been cast upon them into a life of service and mutual belonging that heals them and those they touch!