The Giving and Receiving of Hospitality

A guest post by Ben Conner...

“We will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive.  Indeed, we discover our gifts in the eyes of the receiver”

                                           Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out, 87

Those who minister to and with young people with intellectual, developmental, and physical disabilities need to make sure they provide the spaces in which people with disabilities can participate in the mutuality, the giving and receiving, of hospitality.  For example, Patrick has limited opportunities to share in the practice of hospitality due to his infrequent interactions with others.  Like many young people with intellectual and developmental disabilities his circles of friendship, participation, and exchange are limited by his disability—he simply can’t initiate relationships because he doesn’t have the opportunity.  Yet, like most other teenagers, he desires friendships and a group to belong to.  His day is filled with interactions with hospitable service providers and professionals who offer him services, some out of genuine affinity and care.  But, the times when Patrick is viewed as someone who has something to offer in return are rare. 

Soon after Patrick and I became friends, I invited myself over to his house to play basketball.  To my knowledge, this was the first time that someone not from his special education class had been to his home.  Patrick came alive when he saw me walk up his driveway and he was excited to show me his autographed baseballs, his pennants and banners, his dog, his basketball hoop, and his secret craft room.  Patrick is largely non-verbal, so in order to learn about his interests and passions I needed to be able to see them and to see him in action.  I saw an enthusiasm and receptivity in Patrick that I had never seen before as he exercised his practice of hosting by welcoming me into his home and into his life.  Even though I took the initiative to create the space in which Patrick could welcome me, Patrick bore the welcome of Christ to me.  Patrick was the host. Certainly, he saw his own gifts reflected in my eyes. 

What is hospitality?

If you were to visit me when I lived in Williamsburg, VA you could have stayed downtown at the Hospitality House and they would have given you exactly the amount and quality of hospitality for which you paid.  Hospitality has been turned into a commodity—something that can be bought and sold.  More resources on your part equal a nicer room, better meals, and superior service.  Sometimes hospitality is used in an instrumental way to gain social advantages.  We welcome those who will benefit us in some identifiable way.  Such experiences of “hospitality” as a commodity, an instrument, or as social lubrication are far removed from the Biblical vision of God as Host who graciously gives us all things, or the notion of hospitality taught by Jesus who took the initiative to invite himself to the home of Zacchaeus and ate with “tax collectors and sinners”, or the example of the early church’s monastics communities and Christian homes that hospitably and sacrificially supported pilgrims on their faith walks.  The hospitality that we as Christians offer to others is the response to the free gift of hospitality that we receive from God in Christ. 

Hospitality is a Christian practice that acknowledges the fact that, at some time or another, everyone is the stranger, the other, the outsider who is in need of being welcomed.  It addresses our fundamental human need to be connected and to belong.  But there is more to hospitality.  To belong we need to do more than simply be received or welcomed.  Importantly, hospitality, as Nouwen reminds us above, requires mutuality, both receiving and giving.  In hospitality, both parties stand together to receive out of the abundance from an accessible and welcoming God and to share the love of Christ with one another—there is a sacramental expectation that in welcoming the other we encounter and welcome Christ.  The Bible suggests no

intellectual threshold, set of social skills, or physical capacities that are required to participate in the mutuality of hospitality. Hospitality is a central theological concept and life-giving practice in flourishing Capernaum ministry—a practice that takes seriously the gifts and possibilities of people with disabilities.  To be welcomed is to be included by others, but to participate in the mutuality of hospitality is to realize that you have gifts to give—to realize that you belong.  For those friends of ours who can’t create spaces in which they can participate in the practice of hospitality, we must take the initiative to create such spaces for them.  For as Nouwen reminds us: “We will never believe that we have anything to give unless there is someone who is able to receive.  Indeed, we discover our gifts in the eyes of the receiver.” 

Ben Conner

Assoc. Prof. Christian Discipleship, Western Theological Seminary

Member of the Capernaum Board 

Author of Amplifying Our Witness: Giving Voice at Adolescents with Developmental Disabilities

On the Young Life Staff for 17 years, 7 with Capernaum.